The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
He stood there so tall and proud,
An old wind still lingering around.
He was a fine mountain,
Enveloped in trees , streams and fountains.
He looked beyond those mountains greater
To see his mother his creator.
In a warm wind suddenly covered was he,
She had come sensing his anxiety.
She was proud of him,her son
All that she in rain and sun had done.
She softened the rocks and -
Withered them into fine sand.
From which green shoots had -
Sprung up high and dyed.
She would blow the dark clouds over
For the beasts ,the birds and the flowers.
She guarded him from the heavy snows,
Lest he felt the bitter cold.
All these years of love and care
Had given her moments so proud and rare.
But she wouldn't stay there for long,
Her babies are waiting for their bed time song.
--Rahul Nair
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
He stood there so tall and proud,
An old wind still lingering around.
He was a fine mountain,
Enveloped in trees , streams and fountains.
He looked beyond those mountains greater
To see his mother his creator.
In a warm wind suddenly covered was he,
She had come sensing his anxiety.
She caressed him in gentle strokes,
Soothing the trees, streams and the rocks.She was proud of him,her son
All that she in rain and sun had done.
She softened the rocks and -
Withered them into fine sand.
From which green shoots had -
Sprung up high and dyed.
She would blow the dark clouds over
For the beasts ,the birds and the flowers.
She guarded him from the heavy snows,
Lest he felt the bitter cold.
All these years of love and care
Had given her moments so proud and rare.
But she wouldn't stay there for long,
Her babies are waiting for their bed time song.
--Rahul Nair
a subtle post.. very fine indeed!!
ReplyDeleteDude very well composed poem!!!
ReplyDeletegood it was very good to read!!!
Enjoying the nature with poetic sense... good one..
ReplyDelete@jobsy
ReplyDeleteThank you ..thank you
@bharath
thanks dude
@manja
thanx for the good comments man
Hmmm.. I always had a thought that mountains are very feminine parts of Mother Earth. I think I had read that somewhere. But you have given a whole new dimension to it. Very creative, very poetic and loads of thoughts has gone into this. I truly admire your ability to correlate seemingly unrelated things. The only thing I found a little off is the tenses in the last two paraghs. They were a little mixed up.
ReplyDeleteGood one dude!!!
ReplyDeleteyou have used the personification superbly!!!way to go..
Although i could not find any flaw in this poem, i just want to suggest you that it is not necessary that the ending words of each line to be rhythmic...If you are not concentrating on that too much and if it is coming naturally, then fine...else, let the poem flow naturally as it comes to your mind...dont worry about rhyming words...
@chandan:
ReplyDeletethanks,man... i did think about it a lot...
@srivatsa:
Thnks for the advice man... I am tring to follow your advice each and every time...'
I am a novice in writing poems.. The rhyming is o grab the readers attention and to make the flow of words smooth...
That is just one technique,,.. but there ae lots of other things which can be done also... apprently i am not a master o any of those...